So there has been a revival of Xanga and I didn't know about it.  Figures. 

Since I haven't talked to most of you for a while.  Here's my summer in a nutshell:  work has consumed every being of my life and the b*tch (I'm not exagerating either; I would go into detail, but then that would put me in a foul mood) that I have call a boss has made me (and just about everyone else I work with) want to quit a job that I have loved for the past three years and has ruined the moral of the staff.  She has nothing better to do than ruin our lives; and to think that she was chosen over me (or Katie), makes me nauseated and quite upset.

"Am I gonna die?  Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day, but yours is coming quicker then ours.  Some things I  may have taken for granted again and again, well here's what was said then..."  --The Academy Is...

I think it's rather safe to say that the past week has been one that will effect my life for some time to come.  But it's a good thing.  At least I think so.  Anyhoo, we found an apartment; and by we I mean Allison, Dane, Eric and I found one.  I'm happy that it's close to campus, the people are nice (at least I hope so) and I think it's agreed that we can all see ourselves reasonably living there.  considering the size though, it's small, but it's all good.  I mean, there's a heated pool, a jacuzzi, and a gym that are about 25 steps away from our porch, which by the wya, is rather big.  It should be intersting though; the only boys I have ever lived with are my dad and Craig; neither of which count though, since they're family and Craig isn't old enough to be...well, a true guy.  I hope no other male on the face of the Earth is like my father (which would be a gooood thing), so it's still safe to say that I have yet to live with boys.  I guess those two wll have to do though (haha, just kidding, you know I love you both!)  I'm excited though.  No more of living in just one room...but having an entire apartment and being able to decorate however we choose (mostly the boys, but I can still take the credit, right?) OH!  I almost forgot the best part of the place....one of the bathrooms is like the one on the Brady Bunch; you can walk through from two different sides!!!  Well, I was excited and most people think I'm out of my mind; I think I will be walking in circels for some time to come. 
At the same time though, I'm really afraid to move out.  Up to this point, my parents have been the one to tell me where to live; now though, I made the decision and they're paying for it...creepy.  I think my fear of all of this failing miserably (which I hope it doesn't, I swear) keeps coming into my head and it's been scaring me lately.  All of these different scenarios of what could possibly go on; I think I've made some of them seem real in my head.  I need to talk to someone...i think.  I just don't want my parents to be right and rub in that I should have stayed in the dorms another year.  It's good that I'm moving out and getting away from what my parents want me to do.........right? 

NO...this is all exciting and I need to be happy for this...because it is what I've wanted......

"I believe in medication and I believe in therapy and I believe in crystal light 'cause I believe in me, yeah it's so uplifting fu**yeah.  I barely have the motivation they say I suffer froma lack of seratonin synapses they happen too infrequetnly for meto be functioning properly I took the pills I too the advice the panic stopped but still i'm not right racting thoughts and wasted time"  -Motion City Soundtrack

Yay for tomorrow being the last day of classes for an entire week!!!  I've been looking forward to Spring Break for way too long; not that I have anything planned, but just the fact that I don't have to worry about school!  And tomorrow we get to go see Disney on Ice...how exciting.  Diana, I'm sorry you can't come with us...I really wish you could. 

This past weekend was pretty good; after about three months, I got to see Jon and Rudy and hang out with them at the dorms.  Then on monday Jenn came and visited me which was nice since I haven't seen her in over a year and she doesn't fly out from New Jersey that much anymore.  There was certainly lots of reminicing though...which was slightly weird, but fun.  It was nice just getting to hang out with old friends again....I've really missed them over the past couple of months.  Not to be living in the past or anything, but I've reallys tarted to miss some old friendships that I used to have...and am questioning some of the one's that I have now.  It's not so much the person that I'm missing, but the type of friendship we had; either the way they treated me, the jokes we had, or just the overall way things seemed to work when we were friends.  There were just some people I thought really knew and understood me, whereas some popel now just don't get me at all, or don't seem to care if they do.  Not to say I'm perfect in friendships and being the friend everyone needs, but it's just odd how I miss them and wish I had those sorts of people in my life right now

"Send the dove bring her a star throw me a rave sppon out my hear.  Glorify her simle condemn his frown!  with the last ounce of dignity I will pray scream out my mistakes to the heavens" -A Static Lullaby

Ok, so i think we should recap the weekend.  Thursday, Allison Diana and I sat around and played bored games...which was exciting, even though i lost miserably at all of them.  Towards the end of the night we were sitting around drinking, and taking pictures so dane could make stencils.  Somewhere in there though, I lost my camera, which i'm still quite sad about.  Then it was time for sleep.

Friday, woke up and ate lunch so Allison could get home as soon as possible without  hitting traffic.  Not sure how successful that was though.  Then did homework for the majority of the day.  Then Dane and i headed up to Santa Barbara for Jessica's (one of Dane's friends) birthday party.  Just to sum up the drive up there, the 405 freeway sucks!!!  But driving on PCH is quite nice.  The guy with stupid headlights that blinded us all ("officer, it was his fault that i was speeding."  it was just so bright!! hahaha)  There was a fire, and i got all excited. Dane and I talked about the past, present, future and what is to be (the 101).  hahah.  Anyway, by the time we got up there  it was 10:30 (should have been there much sooner) and there were a couple of people at the party, but not a whole lot.  We saw Ren, being social, and i wanted to hit her.  slut.  Apparently we were aren't the only ones that don't like her though.  anyway, we sat on some couch for a while since there was no one there.  Then our drinks were gone.  We got drinks, turned around, and bam, there are hundreds of people (ok, not really, but you get the point).  It started getting all retarded in there, so we went outside and were sitting on some bench thing, that was wet and gross.  So, we called people (ah! Thomas' dad, so not good) and then saw the cops coming.  So, Dane thinking, we ran down the other side of the stairs when the cops went upstairs, and went to hide out in his truck.  Two girls had followed, Sandra's sister and her friend...so we stayed there for 10 minutes or so (in which we talked about Long Beach and the girls stared at Dane, it was hilarious).  Went back to the appartment and did more of the whole sitting around thing...and called more people.  Then Allison called, so i was talking to her for a good 45 minutes; and in that time, we went walking on DP and got back to the apartment.  Still on the phone with Allison when I was told we were going to get food.  Dane somehow pushed me into some cinderblocks and now i have a bruise on my hip.  Anyhoo, i got a burrito which looked really good, but there was no way i could eat it...so i didn't.  Back to the appartment, decided it was time for bed (it's now 3)...the floor sucks, for the record.  While four of us are in the living room sleeping (me, Dane, Sandra's sister and her friend), these girls are giving Dane so much attention...you know you loved it.  That's not my point though, i said "you're enjoying this, aren't you" and then he turned around, smiled, and replied "i'll talk to you tomorrow" and turned back over to get more attention! Asshole, i know.  haha, just kidding.  but seriously, ass.

Woke up at 9:30 (too early) and headed home.  Oh, but when we woke up, Ren was talking about how much she had to drink and how drunk she was; and then how that night she was going to get fu**ed up and whatnot.  She was so fake with us when she asked if we had a good time.  what a slut.  Dane got a (parking) ticket, which totally sucked, but hopefully he can fight it.  Once again, the 405 sucks; two things though, Rusnak and dirty BMW.  Got back to the dorms, ate, and then went back and did homework.  Then Jean came and Jean, Dane, Eric, Haley, Vincent and I went to China town.  It was quite interesting, until it was night and there were scary people talking to us!! ahhhhhhhh!  Decided we weren't going to eat in a B restaurant..so we headed to Pasadena to eat.  The 110 freeway (i think) is so retarded; there are stop signs to get onto the freeway, and they are right there, not far back so you have some time to accelerate...dumb.  Once we got there, we walked around for an hour or so, and then decided to eat a Kabuki.  Where we had to wait for an hour (stupid liars) and at the end, Jean got sick.  Jean and I got to run on the diagonals of the intersections...which was so spiffy!  I had never seen those before.  Once we got back to the dorms, Jean stayed for an hour til she felt better and went home.  Jean, thank you for coming, i had a lot of fun.  Then Dane, Eric, Haley and I went to Guppy Tea house where we were descriminated against and made a monsterous mess on the table with all the ice.  Oh well, that's what they get.  The came back and went to bed.  Today, homework and whatever else happens to go on.  Hope everyone had a good weekend.  until next time...bye!

Now you feel shoved up against the wall with no way to escape.  the truth is, however, that there is an escape.  Be honest with how you feel.  The truth will set you free.  -Horoscope for the day

I usually don't follow what my horoscope says, because it's usually not true.  But the one for today is accurate and quite scary for me.  I realized that I need to become more open with people; not just allowing myself to get to know more people, but talking more (and not about stupid things, which I've caught myself doing more and more).  I think I've been keeping so much inside and to myself, that all I'm doing is driving myself up the wall (and maybe some other people).  I know I'm not the one to come forth and do those sorts of things and I would prefer to have other people come and talk to me first (and make me talk about things, even if I am being stubborn), but the people that I need to talk to, don't seem to understand that, or they don't seem to care...which is what i'm starting to believe.  I also don't think it's very healthy that I don't talk to people; I keep it all to myself and then I start to resent people, when really all i should do is say something, and then resent them later.   To the few people that I have tried to open up to, it either comes back to bite me in the butt, or they could care less and jsut ignore what i'm saying.  Maybe i should become more assertive while I'm at it; being passive is my domain, but sometimes I need to be more "pushy" with people....I think.  I don't know how all of this will play out though; the first step is admitting you have a problem....right?  I'm confused